I don’t want to do it. But I was trained to. It is not that I hate them. I don’t. I think this is a big ridiculous mess. But the kids of Palestine are throwing rocks at the wall separating them from Israel, and soon their target will be me. They do this every Friday after prayers. They throw rocks, they try to climb the wall. I don’t like to hurt children. But this is my duty as an Israeli Watchguard. Don’t think about it. Just do it. Three, two, one, drop. Three, two, one, drop. Three, two, one, it’s over.
I open my eyes. There are children running around now, temporarily blind. They are running away from me now shooting, “كنت سجننا، لا تتوقع منا أن نكافح”, which means “You imprisoned us, do you not expect us to fight back?” and “الأمم، أسقط، ب، الجدران” which means “nations fall with walls”. I do expect them to fight back though. I would too. They are imprisoned by walls, and even if they do just the tiniest thing such as spit on the ground, they will never be able to get a visa to travel out of Palestine for their life. The children suffer. I would not want my children to be kept from the world like that.
“We have a case in section 1B!” I hear someone shout in my ear. I swivel around but see no one behind me. Then I remember the new technology. I press my finger against a button near my ear and say “I am on the move.” This is my least favorite part of my job, so I am glad I have to do it so rarely. Unfortunately, this is one of those days. I grab my long gun and slowly load in the bullets in while I slowly walk. I hope the person will run away from the wall they are climbing right now so I won’t have to shoot them. But of course, miracles rarely happen in this branch of work. I look through the screen and line up. I close my eyes and feel the trigger. I recenter and think this is for my country, and shoot.
The man is lying on the ground, a bruise covering his whole arm. I feel relief flood to my cheeks, glad that I did not hit him with the rubber bullet in the heart. I run back to my tower as people run to help the injured Palestinian. Then I sit down and think about how this came to be. The war for independence won by the Israelis. The Arabic countries attacking the next day. Attacks, attacks, attacks. The Israelis separating themselves from Palestinians. All of which led to the wall.
We were afraid of the Palestinians. So we closed them off. Part of the graffiti wall says, “being scared of others makes you build walls.” I believe that. I do not love war. I do not love the wall. I do not love the way we cope with the Palestinians. But I do love my country and I will stand by it with all I have left.
Amen. And thank you