Author: Rachel Cleary

Our last stops in the US

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Before we departed the US, we made three stops up the west coast and then one in Honolulu for a layover.

Stop 1: Turner, Oregon, 2017 Eclipse, Zone of Totality

In Turner, Oregon, we experienced our first solar eclipse in the zone of totality. We had read Every Soul a Star by Wendy Mass (a great middle school read) years earlier which sparked our interest in eclipses. This seemed like a perfect start to our year of exploration. We were lucky that friends from Palo Alto, Rafferty and Kristin, and Portland, Josh, Allison, Phineas, and Moses, were able to meet us to share the experience.

A rural science teacher rented us her sweet, simple home with a horse and chickens and enough land for Kristin and Rafferty to put up a tent. In the morning, we woke excited with our eclipse glasses at the ready.  As the moon passed before the sun, the enthusiasm swelled until totality when the sky went dark, the air chilled, the rooster cock-a-doodle-dooed, Phineas cried, and the kids and adults jumped up and down in awe. The moon looked like a bright white ball in the sky with swirling rays surrounding it. Totality felt like birth: no matter how much science explains the experiences, both feel otherworldly and magical.

Stop 2: Portland, Oregon

We had the great fortune to stay with friends whose home was an oasis in Portland. Hayes met Josh in graduate school at MIT. Hayes had lots of crazy ideas and limited skills in engineering and computer science. Josh, who Hayes describes as one of the smartest and most talented people he has ever met, was a joyful and easy-going guy who shared his time and skills with Hayes enthusiastically and generously. Now he is a dad with a thoughtful and devoted wife and two delicious sons.

I love staying with other people because I love observing the habits and rituals of different families. I like to reflect on what habits I might be able to incorporate into my own family routines. What struck me about the Liftons is their integrity. They are thoughtful about their values, and they live accordingly. This is exemplified through their language with their children, their shopping and eating habits, and their choice of how they spend their time.

Stop 3: Seattle, Washington (Swedish Ballard ER)

Our stop in Seattle included a life defining experience. Again, we stayed with fabulous friends who we had first met at MIT. James and Stephanie are creative and generous with two fabulous kids, one of whom was a NICU premie and is now just 4 months old. Similarly, I observe the calm, respectful and thoughtful way that they interacted as a family. Our visit brought a little more excitement into their home than they had anticipated.

The first morning we arrived, I ended up with a concussion in the ER. I had been heading downstairs to the guest room after my morning cup of coffee and as I took my first step, I slipped on the metal strip that separated the kitchen floor from the stairwell. I fell down the stairs and landed on my head and right forearm. I got up and walked back to the kitchen table. I felt dizzy so put my head down on my forearm on the table and then blacked out. Hayes and our friends report that I fell off the chair and hit my head (again) very hard on the wall. I then started seizuring. I woke up to the EMT feeling like I had been dreaming. I felt very light headed and nauseous. The EMT tried to put a head neck around me but I kept ripping it off. They also persisted in taking my blood pressure which was dangerously low. I couldn’t open my eyes or stop vomiting, but fortunately, my mind was clear and I repeated to Hayes a few times to call Meera to get the kids as they were taking me away on a stretcher. The girls had been downstairs so they missed the fall and seizure. They came upstairs as I was being carried away on a stretcher, but they said they weren’t too worried because I sounded like myself. You can imagine how incredibly grateful I felt that Stephanie and James and Meera were there for my girls so that their memory of the day is predominately about the fun they had in Seattle. I was ill with my eyes closed for the entire ride to the ER. It was one of the gnarlier feelings in my life.

Fortunately, the care at Swedish Ballard Emergency Room could not have been better. The nurses, staff, doctors, and radiologist were all warm, competent and effective. The nurse quickly hooked me up to an IV where I consumed a bag and half of liquids (note to self: stay hydrated when traveling), anti nausea medicine and mild pain medicine. I was shivering loudly so Hayes wrapped me up like a mummy in their decadently warm flannel sheets. The doctor thoroughly examined me and a CT scan showed that my brain had not been damaged. Within three hours, I transformed from feeling like I might die to feeling tired but otherwise fully functional. I slept for three straight days, napped for a few more and then within a week only had yellow bruises on my forearm and cheek and a few lumps on my head to remind me of the not so fabulous incident in Seattle.

The positives of the experience include: 1) I have more gratitude for Hayes who was wholly and completely focused on communicating with the doctors and making sure that I felt comfortable through the entire hospital stay; 2) I feel lucky to have friends like Meera and her family, who on a moment’s notice whisked my children away and showed them a fabulous day so that mostly what they remember of what could have been a traumatic day is hanging from large climbing structures in downtown Seattle, a yummy meal, and fun times at her house; 3) I had not really been a big fan of throwing up our life and galavanting into the sunset, but having felt close to death or disability, I better relate to Hayes’ intense desire to connect as a family.

 

Stop 4: Honolulu, Hawaii

Our last visits to Hawaii have been to Kauai where my dad and his wife live. Kauai is lush and feels wholly different form the mainland. The vegetation, beaches, and tropical weather dominate. Honolulu, in contrast, felt like the Stanford mall on steroids. The first day, I spent in bed at the tail end of my concussion recovery. I was surprised when I finally made it out to discover that Waikiki is manicured and commercial.

One morning, my dad took us to Pearl Harbor and gave us an overview of World War 2. My dad is a quiet and reserved man so it was a treat to hear him clearly and vividly describe the events that led up to World War 2 and the ways that his parents and their generation had been affected by the war.

Next stop: New Zealand!

2017 Solar Eclipse: Turner, Oregon

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We started the whole family part of our journey with a trip to Turner, Oregon to view the 2017 Solar Eclipse. We rented a small home that included a horse, chickens and ample land to gaze up at the sky with friends who traveled from Portland and Palo Alto. The experience was more spectacular than I anticipated. After a bright, clear, sunny morning, the sky went dark, the air became cold, the animals were noisy and then quiet, and at totality when the moon was completely aligned in front of the sun, there was a ring of swirling, bright rays around a black circle in the sky. We were all gasping and jumping up and down in amazement. It felt a lot like a birth.

Bezerkeley

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After departing Palo Alto, I spent a few days in Berkeley with my closest friend from childhood who has remained my friendological sister (a term coined by our children). I love Berkeley: the delicious food, welcoming friends, and liberal hipness. I loved my cozy days reconnecting with old friends, savoring Emily's beautiful children, and eating fresh, California cuisine. While I was there, my family was enjoying a week at Bar717, a working ranch that offers a family camp at the end of each summer. A part of my chest hurt from missing them in spite of how much I enjoyed not being responsible for anyone or anything for a few days. Now on the road in Portland, a piece of my chest misses those people. This is that hardest part of moving and traveling: a piece of my heart is always aching for people I love elsewhere.

Bye, bye Palo Alto

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It’s happening. Less than twenty four hours until I bid adieu to the community I’ve called home for nine years. Hayes and the girls departed last Sunday and I stuck around to catch up on some appointments and connect with a few people. In that time, our president has vulgarly condoned white supremacy, another local high schooler has committed suicide, and I have heard friends stress about the scheduling Tetris that is the reality of privileged Palo Alto parents. 

Finally, I can answer the question, “What are you looking forward to?” I am looking forward to less. Less hatred, less stuff, less to do, less tension, less pressure, and fewer distraction.

Yet still I will miss this place and it’s people. Friends, please hold our children tight. We’ll be back in one rotation around the sun.

The Idea

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Here I sit in my warm, cozy home where the wood framing around the floor to ceiling windows appears to have been hand cut by Eichler’s crew in the early 1950s. Eichler intended to create diverse and inclusive dwellings for middle-class people. Now this land is populated mostly by technologists, venture capitalists, and academics, people with exceptional educations and above average incomes. In many ways, this community is like Lake Wobegon from Prairie Home Companion. “All the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.” It is like living in Pleasantville where the weather is 70 degrees year round, and so many people are fair-minded, hard working, and family-focused. There are some downsides to this town. The amount of success, intensity and drive can be overbearing. Some drive too fast, become self-focused and pressure themselves to achieve unhealthy levels of achievement. For the most part though, my family of four enjoys many of the benefits of the area and hasn’t had many direct confrontations with the negatives.

For this reason, I wonder why we are planning to bid ado to our sweet life and traverse the planet for a year. I think credit can partially be given to Cristina Spencer and James Currier, two wonderful friends who think big and feel deeply. Several weeks ago, Hayes and I were at Cristina’s house sipping her husband’s spectacular mixed drinks when Cristina told Hayes about her recently aborted plan to travel the world with her family for a year. I could tell that Hayes was engaged in their conversation but I was busy lamenting the confusing and disgraceful political drama of the day with Tim, Irene and Graham.

A week later in the midst of soccer tournaments, visiting cousins, and last days of school, James Currier joined Hayes for tea on a weekend afternoon. Hayes explained to him that while he liked all of his colleagues and was engaged with his work, a part of him felt discontented. James asked him what he cared most about. Without missing a beat, Hayes explained that his family was what mattered most to him. Our girls, 10 and 12, would soon be adolescents and he felt like our most impactful time with them was slipping away. James, not one to mince words, suggested that Hayes take a year and focus on family.

At this point, I returned home to the 12 year old and her cousin making chocolate guacamole, fudgsicles, and fruit roll ups and the guys asked me what I thought about traveling the world for a year. “The hundred days of May” when a mom of elementary school age children is challenged with fitting 100 days worth of activities into thirty is a “special period”. My basic MO is to say yes whenever possible, so… I said, “Sure,” thinking it may be a passing dream that could add some joy to the afternoon and eventually dissipate. I should know better. Hayes is a man who can turn an idea into action in a nanosecond, and this was not the first time that James had suggested an idea that significantly changed the direction of our family life.

Years earlier, James and his fabulous wife, Trina, had invited us and several other families to Costa Rica with their family. I thanked them and declined, saying that we tended to be frugal with our travel plans. He then told Hayes and me about a friend of his who spent three months traveling with her family and returned home to discover that she had cancer and a short life expectancy. He reported that the family had been so grateful to have had that intensive time together. The combination of the story and the storytelling had an enormous impact on Hayes and me. We joined the jubilant 2010 “Verde Como Lechuga” trip and have traveled several times a year ever since.