Cappadocian animals are magical. There are sweet, cute, and loving. They live long and happy lives, always with their head held high and their tummies full. But as all Muslims believe, it is not the first life that counts, it’s the afterlife. For humans, the afterlife brings them all of their desires. Animals get to have massages all day, live in beautiful scenery, and have some of the most stunning views in Turkey. They become something much bigger than before. A rock. A hill. A mountain. Whatever you want to call it, it is still the same: an animal, their soul, and volcanic ashes. There are camels, dogs, sphinxes, eagles, seals, a monkey hand, and so many other animals, which mother nature created in rock. One of the Cappadocian animals’ name is Bob Ross.
Bob is a majestic camel, who has been put to rest. To rest in a rock. When Bob died, he was given a choice of position. Bob chose to sit, for then his legs would never get tired. Now, Bob has reached his 1023rd rockday and is celebrating with his closest rock-mate Erny the Eagle. Erny is only 26 feet away, so they can converse without being spotted by the many tourists passing by. For Bob’s rockday gift, Erny flew over in the dead of night and took away the poles and rope keeping Bob from being stepped on. When Bob woke up the next morning, he was getting the best back massage of his second life. Bob Ross can now say that his best rockday ever was his 1023rd.
The Joy Of Massage – Tips
With Bob (THE CAMEL) Ross
- One of the best times to have a massage is on your rockday! You can also have them at other various points in the year but! Be warned… Massages will not feel so nice anymore if you have them too often. You want to keep them as a special treat.
- You know that you need a Back Massage when your back has cramped up. You could also use one to help with slouching humps. It relaxes the muscles so they do not fall easily in the formation of what I like to call “Flop.”
- If your feet are worn out, try a Hot Stone Hoof Massage.
- This massage only is available in the summertime, or when it is blazing hot.
- The best way to do it is by exposing the bottom of your hooves. Once it is hot, it will slowly spread to the rest of the foot. In order to spread, it needs to stay in the sun.
- If you have a sunburnt head or just an itchy one, you should try being a Twighead.
- All you need to be a Twighead is three twigs, and one piece of bendy grass. Hold together the three twigs from their tops, and tie them together with the bendy grass. After you are done, get a friendly little bird to grab it with their talons, and put the splayed bits over your head and fly half a foot up, half a foot down. Have them repeat multiple times and you will have the best head massage of your afterlife.
- Remember, we do not make mistakes, just happy little accidents.
Now that you have the information to have three great massages, sit with your fellow rock (or human) friends, and look up at the happy little clouds and be happy too.
We arrived in Istanbul and met a big, boisterous guide who welcomed us to this ancient metropolis with a big smile, good English, and clean teeth. I always like to understand what matters to people. For our guide, Met, what matters is God. He’s translated the Koran into a few different languages and ensured me that there were only two types of people in this world: Muslims, and bad people. A Muslim, in his definition, is anyone who believes in God, in any religion, or even who just “leads a good life.” I’m a Muslim, according to him, because I clearly lead a good life, evidenced by my wife and children with me. Never mind that I’m Jewish.
